November 2012

Son: "Black holes are so inspiring!"

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A-Lo: "I'm Princess Beauty!"

Hubby: "How about you're Princess Doctor? Or Princess Lawyer? Or Princess Historian?"

A-Lo: "No! I'm Princess Pink!"

Hubby: (Quits before it gets any worse)

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Me: "How do you guys think you can earn yourselves a donut?"

Son: "By being good and not farting too loudly?"

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A-Lo to Hubby: "You're not a man, you're a daddy!"

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Grandma: “Let’s put on your pajamas”

A-Lo (tantruming): “NO!”

Grandma: “Okay, let’s brush your teeth first”

A-Lo (still tantruming): “NO!!”

Grandma: “Okay, then, no pajamas, no teeth brushing, no reading, no nothing, just go straight to bed!”

A-Lo (shocked, then angry): “I’M supposed to say NO!!!”

September 2012

Son: "I have a girlfriend, but she doesn't know she's my girlfriend"

Me: "Doesn't sound like a girlfriend if she doesn't know."

Son: "Well, it's [insert name] - I think she's pretty but she's also mean."

Me: "Oh, yeah, her. I agree with you on both counts. And she probably won't want a nice guy like you."

Hope he takes that advice with him for life.

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A-Lo: "When I was young... younger than you or daddy or CoCo, I used to fix things."

Me: "Oh really? What did you fix?"

A-Lo: "Uhhhh, like my princess book."

Me: "Oh. Do you still fix things?

A-Lo: "No."

Me: "Well what do you do now?"

A-Lo: "Nothing."

Me: "Oh, that's not healthy. You gotta come up with new things to do."

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Son, about a new friend of his: "...but somewhere in the back of my mind, I think he might be too serious."

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In Target:

Son: "You thinking what I'm thinking?"

Me: "Unlikely. What are you thinking?"

Son: "We're getting really close to the toy aisle!"

Love how egocentric children are. From their perspective, we can't possibly be thinking any other way but their's. One day, I'd like to ask him if he's also thinking about when the housing market will improve.

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A-Lo: "Let's fight!"

CoCo: "Let's not and say we did."

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So proud of my little girl. Every single time Chris Brown's song (Don't Wake Me Up) comes on the radio, she says definitively, "His song is good but he's a bad man because he hit his girlfriend." Hells yeah.

July 2012

After complying with my daughter's request to draw a picture of her, she requested that I include her "butt and labia."

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My daughter walks over to Hubby, states, "Wanna see me shake my bootay?", and without his consent, proceeds to shake it singing, "Shake yo bootay, shake yo bootay!" I think he's traumatized from that, as well as from the subsequent related images that went through his mind of her as a teen.

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My son had a pee accident and asked if I was mad. 

Me: "No, I understand it was an accident and you haven't had one in a long time and you were probably not happy about it."

Son: "Yeah, you don't have to be disappointed - I was disappointed in myself."

Me: "I'm really sorry you had an accident."

Son: "You don't have to be sorry - I'm sorry." Then he told me about a girl who was a cry-baby. 

Me: "Yeah, I remember her, she was." 

Son: "How do you know?" 

Me: "I remember one time something happened and she threw a tantrum about it and it wasn't really a big deal and she could have easily solved it by telling the person why she was upset and what she needed." 

Son: "Yeah, I was thinking in my head that she was a cry-baby but I didn't say it out loud and I was thinking 'whiner whiner pants on fire' but I didn't say it out loud because I didn't want her to feel bad and I didn't want other kids to then start saying it because that would have made her feel really bad, so I just kept it in my head."

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Story from daycare: "We are looking at pictures from Christmas, in the pic there is Allison, Isla, Justin, Jacob, ashylah, and Santa....A-Lo says....."where was I on that beautiful wonderful day?!'"

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Son, out of the blue: "You know why poor people never waste anything? Because they don't have much so they need to eat it all, even if they don't like it. They can't just waste it and throw it out."